amber - have a bonghit

and watch this :

www.youtube.com/watch

I met a man through mutual friends who had a calling card printed. Beneath his name was the caption "Gentleman and Scholar."
He was between careers.
You still have the knowledge of a chemist. Maybe you can use that to redefine yourself.

Keep your pecker up, honey. That's the chin, you know.

Amber, I'm not the best person to give advice about these things, at times, but especially right now. Not because I don't understand, I have an intimate understanding of where you're at right now, believe me, but because I have very strong feelings about it that probably won't help you. I'm also not in the best of places, myself, and won't help you by dumping my own pain and uncertainty into what is obviously another human soul in pain. I do believe what HH the Dalai Lama says, though, "If you want others to be happy... practice compassion. If you want to BE happy... practice compassion." So, caring about you helps me.

I'll do my best to stick to things that will benefit you.

First of all. YOU ARE <stop>. Get used to being mindful of yourself. Don't say too much about yourself because, at some point, you'll just overwhelm yourself with crap. Simplify. Do NOT keep telling yourself that "you are a chemist" or "your are a bipolar." Instead, find that calm, loving, caring human being that knew how to have fun as a child without wondering what other people thought of her while she was spinning in the middle of the living room in bliss. Back when you only said, "I am" and left it at that. What you do is NOT who you are. The fact that you're even questioning all of this says a lot about you, don't you think?

Second, failure and brokenness are not the end of things. They are only a part of the suffering that we all go through and carry with us. Let me quote something I read somewhere, "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." I'll bet that every ounce of strength you have, right now, you've earned, and more. Doubt is okay. Keep your eyes open. Keep your head up. Keep checking your compass and you'll find your way. The hardest thing in the world to do, when you're bipolar, is get out of bed, bathe, breathe, put one heavy foot in front of the other and act like a functioning human being. People who don't suffer with our minds don't understand that. It sounds like your doctor, who put you on disability, does and they're trying to give you a chance to regroup and rebuild. Might be a great opportunity. Please let it. You deserve that.

Love and light, dear ones.
Rev

I can totally relaate to what you are going through right now.... I too lost a job I totally loved and was really proud to be a part of last year when I fell into the dark side... depression... I applied for disabilty and was denied... they do that to fuck with you... I felt broken until I said fuck it... I'm exactly where i need to be... I will take this time to find me.... fuck a diagnosis.... I and you are so much more than society's definition of what should be the standard of a functionable citizen of society.... I go to the beach... i can see the sky, the trees, and appreciate my feelings for what it is for the first time.... I work for myself on my own time.... I answer to no one and need no validation from anyone.... I own me.... thats what I learned on my free time. Make the best of it your mind and your feelings will thank you.