threaded | unthreaded | newest first

Still unsurrendered

topic posted Tue, June 9, 2009 - 6:37 PM by  JD 		Share/Save/Bookmark
Advertisement
Hey all friends

It's been 3 years since I have been here. During these 3 years I have made peace with the fact that I am a bipolar. Recognition is hard, extremely hard. Well, at last I got it under control. I am releasing a book later this year called 'An unsurrendered life'. It's dead honest and at times I couldn't even belief what occurred in my life. Off course I still have manias and depro phases, but learnt to accept it and control it

As I get involved again here, I will fill you in. Still single though (lol). Great to be back
posted by:
JD
offline JD
South Africa
2 friends
join to post
Advertisement
Advertisement
  • Crystal
    Crystal
    offline 80

    Re: Still unsurrendered

    Fri, June 12, 2009 - 9:46 PM
    "During these 3 years I have made peace with the fact that I am a bipolar."
    Hmmm joining this tribe has helped me tremendously in that sense too... when I was first diagnosed I was ashamed and never admitted it bcz I did'nt want to be typed as weird and crazy .... but I am weird and crazy.. lol ... not bcz of bp, but bcz I refuse to fit in that mundane humdrum existence called "normal" ... Anyway I came to accept my "imbalances" and from this acceptance much progress has been made. I've learned to pay closer attention to my habits and my feelings and check myself best I could and learn to understand my feelings. Never easy but enjoying me in all my highs and lows.
    join to post
    • eury...
      eurynome
      offline 286

      Re: Still unsurrendered

      Sun, June 14, 2009 - 2:29 AM
      i was actually glad to accept it .. i self diagnosed myself and then had it confirmed by a psych when i was overseas studying. Bipolar 2 with only one manic episode in 8 yrs. I accepted it quickly but i still hate it at many points of my life because i suffer mainly from depressions, and it is so wearing continually pulling myself out of these without family support (my so called 'father' actually told me to commit suicide last night, and whilst i'm i'm applying to grad schools to get to melbourne and start over there within the month without the baggage of being trapped in the village i grew up in), and friends that now live a hemisphere away and who love me for who i am.

      Of course i have gone off my meds a few times to try and get back the manic feelings, done copious amts of drugs again for the same reasons and cos i've always been an experimentalist and risk taker, and yeah, have always considered myself as someone who cld fit into "normal society" when necessary chameleon-like, but much rather chooses not to when possible and just be myself .. but sometimes you have to play the game.

      I think it's amazing you're writing this book .. I have a book on the slow-go which began as experiences of travelling and living overseas for 10 yrs, and then within that became the 'unquiet mind' or 'girl interrupted' section which made it so much more interesting and in depth.

      Keep us all posted on how it's going!

      x
      join to post
      • JD
        JD
        offline 2

        Re: Still unsurrendered

        Wed, June 17, 2009 - 8:50 AM
        Hey,

        Thanks for the reply. You said it: "the unquiet mind" I understand how you feel, at one stage I felt no-one understood this illness. Well, I didn't too. But one becomes an expert of oneself during recognition. Believe me, I still hate "the darkness", but at least suicide isn't foremost in my mind any longer. I had 6 suicide attempts without even realizing the consequences at that stage. "Normal" peeps don't really understand the emotion one carries when a bipolar. We feel more than others. When we are happy, sad, or any other emotion it's in its truest form.

        I have had failed relationship after failed relationship due to my irrational decision making at times. And can you believe that 10% of our manias and depression destroys our whole life at times? That's what happened to me. Do I have regrets? For sure I do, but I learnt to be me. I don't hate myself anymore and found the beauty of BP. I am a number one in its true sense and has become an expert as anyone here. I just chose to let my unquiet mind work for me through writing the book. It's really shocking and I find myself crying often just reading it. I know that without support it becomes a lonely world out there. Believe in yourself and your own ability. Remember, we are higher in IQ than most and definitely way more creative. Look at Churchill, Monroe, Jim Carrey, Virginia Woolf and a host more. They made a difference to this world even with the illness.

        Good luck and keep in touch
        join to post
    • JD
      JD
      offline 2

      Re: Still unsurrendered

      Wed, June 17, 2009 - 8:37 AM
      Hi aqua,

      Think you will enjoy this:

      Normality?

      I loved the mania, I was happy there
      Although those around me were in despair
      What about “normal” I hear you say?
      I didn’t know how to feel that way

      And who’s to say I’m not normal now?
      And feeling the only way I know how
      Why must I struggle and always fight?
      To live through the day and sleep through the night

      join to post
  • Donia
    Donia
    offline 0

    Re: Still unsurrendered

    Sat, September 26, 2009 - 5:17 PM
    It's been 2 yrs for me. Actually it's been 10 years since I realized that I was BP I. I just couldn't get any prof. to listen to me. I used drugs/alcohol to try to deal w/ it. 2 yrs ago I was diagnosed with it. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm disabled, learn how to be patience w/ the docs and myself, and watch for my cycles.It's been a long hard road, but it 's really good for me to hear all your stories and know I'm not alone.
    join to post

Recent topics in "Bipolar"

Topic Author Replies Last Post
Going from 25ml to 200!!! Is that normal? Mrs. Elia 2 Yesterday, 10:23 AM
How "out" are you about being bipolar? love,cat 12 Yesterday, 10:20 AM
Medication Free. Have you done it? SecSip 27 December 19, 2009
What's your sign? Amira 45 December 19, 2009